Honoring Parents

Follow me. Let the dead bury their dead. Mt 8:22.

Well this is a harsh command, isn't it? Luckily our good Bishop Kevin Rhoades was giving the homily this last weekend and this verse was included in Sunday's Gospel then as well as today. Guess it's worth repeating.  We are commanded to honor our parents. When they are dead it is a little easier to do, I think. all questions and situations are steeped in silence.
This past weekend my father in law was laid to rest and my husband's family gathered for a memorial service. His death became a finality on this day. Intellectually we all knew it , but the internment made it final; irrevocable. My parents, too, are gone. There was a cemetery visit to my mother's grave. I have boxes of her beautiful things here at home. It is very hard to get rid of them. It seems as if I am getting rid of her if I give them away or take them to the second hand store as she is so wrapped up in my memories of those beautiful things. It seems that if they are out of sight, then she will slip out of mind. I know there is a heck of a lot of living going on around me . I have spent time grieving. who says that it may be too much. Perhaps the Lord does. I do not want to get stuck. Maybe that is what Jesus is saying to me in today's Gospel. Don't get stuck with death and grieving. Move on with Christ. Follow where he leads in living well again. Trust that the memories will go along and not be left behind and lost.
This past weekend I watched a documentary called The Flat. A man was cleaning out the apartment of his Jewish grandmother. She had moved to Palestine in the 1930's from Germany. She and her husband returned to Germany often after the war . Their friends remained in Germany. It was discovered that the German man succeeded Eichmann to work with Goebbels. He was an authority on the Jews. The man's mother, the woman's daughter, knew nothing about what had happened during the war and who these 'friends' of hers had been. She kept insisting that she had no interest and didn't question that time of her mother's life. When she did, it was dismissed as  'forgotten.' This third generation man was in pain about it all. Who were these people? Why were such disparate people friends, and why did they remain so after the terrible time of WW2? The second generation's in Germany did not feel his need to open files and search for the truth. They were content with the 'stories' they had been told. Questions were not asked, nor answers desired. The dead were dead. Even their graves were gone. The truth was buried with them.
I think that man had to let it go. it mad ea very good documentary to see that he hadn't , and I most certainly understood his need to find the answers. But there is a time for moving on . Gently. following Christ as he leads us on. Trusting in our memories, our truth. And in the final Resurrection when we shall all be reunited and all the answers will be ours. Trekking Catholic.

Gifts

Give and gifts will be given to you...

I laughed when I read this verse in today's Gospel passage. Gift is my word of the year and I have strung together at least 88 days of giving. Let me put a plug in here for 29 Gifts, a lovely book and even lovelier idea. In one of my devotionals today, I think it was in the writings of Brother Lawrence, there was a phrase about giving honor and glory to God by my love for Him.  And in another, knowing the truth of trust and faithfulness in finding joy in God's creation. Two way streets. My gifts of love and joy to God and His gifts of nature and peace to me.
I didn't do well at all in my resolution to pray before all things yesterday. I did open the Way of the Pilgrim, one of the books we are reading in our Carmelite group. One of our members talked about how much grace she received in reading it. I trust it is there for me as well.  To  Practice the Presence of God, to give God my trust and faithfulness, to receive knowledge of His presence in my life. Trekking Catholic.

To Listen

This is My chosen Son. Listen to Him.
At yesterday's reception ceremony for the three newest members of our Lay Carmelite Community, I bowed my head in prayer begging for the enthusiasm theses three women have in Carmel. Why am I so lukewarm about it? What is more important to me than living my profession as a Lay Carmelite? I have been requested by God over and over again to listen to Him. What is it that I do that gets in the way of the ability to sit still and just do it? Is it fear? Am I afraid of love in action and being asked One More Thing of me? Am I overwhelmed in my life? What is overwhelming me? This week one of my devotionals , probably Fr. Grabner, asked what I needed to give up in order to move closer to God? In today's Gospel Peter, James and John were willing to give up their whole existence to live in a tent on Mt. Tabor with Moses and Elijah and the Transfigured Christ. That is just not me.  Not here. Not now. I am trying to find a baby step way of approaching this monumental problem. What came to me is to try just 5 minutes, five minutes of time, of silence,  of trusting in God to take that five minutes and multiply it. I am going to try to pray before every task of my day (my to do list is very long)in hopes that this will remind me to pray in thanksgiving after every task and to cause me to pray during each task. Let's see if this works. Tune in to the continued challenges of Trekking Catholic. 

'Converse'-ation

NECESSARY PRACTICES FOR ATTAINING

THE SPIRITUAL LIFE

1. The most holy, the most general and the most

necessary practice in the spiritual life is the practice of

the presence of God, whereby the soul finds her joy and

contentment in His companionship, talking humbly

and lovingly to Him always and at all times, without

rule or system, but particularly in moments of temptation,

of trouble, of spiritual dryness, of revulsion, and

especially when we fall into unfaithfulness and sin.

talking humbly and lovingly to Him always and at all times....

My other translation of the Maxims uses the word converse in this sentence, which, to me, implies listening as well as talking. I am called to conversation with God. I know I am because the topic comes up within my day often. I want to have conversation with God. I tend to be pretty vocal with him and my listening skills are not very well developed. Yet still I find excuses, or noise. I pray for the willingness to converse with Him. I pray for the willingness to talk humbly and to listen to His words for me. Today I heard (through the daily devotional of Fr. Grabner), that to know the will of God we should look in the places around us where people need to be loved. Here is our calling from God: to love those in our lives, and to love them well, as He would have us do . Trekking Catholic.

 

Grace

Spiritual Maxim # 3. The greater the perfection to which a soul aspires,

the more dependent is she upon divine grace, and this

grace becomes more necessary every moment because

without it the soul can do nothing. The world, the flesh

and the Devil together wage so fierce and unintermitting

a war that, without actual grace and a humble

reliance thereon, the soul would be dragged down in

spite of herself. Such dependence seems hard to human

nature, but grace makes it acceptable and a refuge.

My name means "full of grace." I admit I am not very conscious of that grace within me. I have to make an effort to see it in who I am, in what I do. I admit to basing my consciousness of my grace on the response or comments of others.  It seems I do not hear compliments very often. I try very hard to give them to others because they are so very valuable to me.  I hear a lot of criticism. There is a paragraph in my personal copy of Brother Lawrence's Maxims  that is not included in the online version I found to use as a cut and paste for this blog. It is an alternate #2 I guess, and Brother Lawrence speaks of acknowledging our total unworthiness before God. Perhaps it will appear later in the cut and paste version, but I was expecting to write about it yesterday and was ruminating about the sourness I felt about  the worm-like value we should recognize before God. I have a hard enough time putting one foot in front of the other some days with the negative aura around work and home without reading that God expects the same attitude. I understand it intellectually, but I am not happy thinking of myself that way. Perhaps that is why this paragraph was not included in my online access; that author found it uncomfortable amidst the other joys of Lawrence's writings. I hope we shall find an answer to this when our group next meets. but back to grace: this is the watchword of the day; to ask for grace, to expect it will be given because of God's great love for me; to see it in myself and to see it in those around me. Trekking Catholic.

The Will of God

Maxim of Brother Lawrence: 2. We must believe steadfastly that such difficulties

are for our own good; that it is God's will that we

should be afflicted; that it is according to divine

providence that we should be subject to all kinds of

conditions, to suffer all kinds of chastening, of woe and

of temptation, for the love of God and for so long as

He pleases: there can be no true devotion and perfection

without such submission of the heart and mind to the will of God.

that it is God's will... There are people who have a fatalist attitude about life, giving up to the whim and winds of circumstance with the excuse that "it's the will of God." I get short-tempered with this. Especially if it goes on for too long. I know God created us with feet and hands and minds to work our way through life; to move elsewhere if the place we are is dangerous or stifling or full of temptation. If life were random there would be no hope for me. I take comfort in believing that there is a greater Good watching out for me and wanting the best for me. and I believe that the best for me may be working through some tough things.  It helps me to do my best and to have a grateful attitude when life hands me lemons. Of course distance always helps my perspective. 
There is also God's will in beauty and grace and surprise as well. Joyce Rupp, a person who wrote a book about her walk of the Camino Santiago, asked herself some questions each day of the trail. One of them was to identify the surprises. Since reading her book I have asked myself this question (among others). Here is a list of the surprises I have noted over the past weeks...

Tues: how well my hair looked when I just did it quickly knowing we had 25 mph breezes to contend with that day. and two people even complimented me on it! On my walk that day I counted 11 blackbirds sitting in the top of a tree. 
Mon: that Pope Benedict turned in his resignation.
Sun: that my husband actually paid attention to the homily and had a lot to say about it
Sat: I took a chance and purchased a piece of art in a refurbished cigarette machine at an art museum. It was a domino necklace and I had a lot of fun wearing it all that day.
Fri: after two years of grumbling because I can no longer run I actually had fun swimming laps in our school pool.  

On these same days I asked what I least enjoyed about the day and what gave me the most discomfort...

Tues:I bought a Dairy Queen cake and attempted to eat all of it by myself 
Mon:I made a really good vegetarian recipe dinner (Greek Potatoes) and no one in our house said a word about it. And I came home from a meeting to a sink full of dirty dishes and I had to clean up the kitchen or wake up to the same thing the next morning. This is a bad start to my day. I seldom do that. 
Sun: I was so impatient with the music and the pastor and the homily and the repetition I could hardly sit still for the slowness of it all. Ieven left right after Communion and  people who do that make me mad.
Sat: Going to the Carmelite meeting was a chore for me. I did not feel graced to be there. I was bugged that the guy sitting next to me mumbled when he spoke and people constantly shifted off topic on their own agendas. I was impatient.
Fri: I had to tell someone some bad family news. and she didn't take it well. She had all of the arguments and denials I had months ago and it was painful to listen to it. 

God has created great beauty in this world and His people are part of His creation.  They can be people of compliments or people of repetition and mumbles. God has given me a mind sharp enough to cut through the delivery and get to the gem. I get pretty busy thinking about myself and my time and my space and the lessons and gifts can be lost. Doesn't make the gift, the will of God any less valuable beacuse I look at it with a lemon flavored eye. 

Well nuts. I have a sink full of dishes to tackle. Trekking Catholic.

Ash Wednesday

Another 'New Year's Day' in life and a good reason to get back to blogging. I have been following Aspiring Ballerina's blog and her musings have helped me to realize I do not have to be Perfect in what I write. Gretchen Rubin in her blog affirms this. This is difficult for me to overcome. Lent is a good time to make commitments and take responsibility . It is a time to move out of a comfort zone. I am not really sure I am comfortable in my zones, though.I am somehow being called to change.I am dissatisfied with my actions (or lack thereof) and this 40 Day in the Desert time of our Church feels like a confortable way to affect change. Comfortable because of the 'closer walk with God' theme of this time of year.
therefore: Be it resolved that for these 40 Days of Lent I shall practice these activities :
Prayer--I have been lazy in my praying of the Divine Hours. As a Carmelite I am required to pray the Morning and the Evening Prayers. Therefore I shall pray them faithfully every day of Lent. I have been lazy as well when it comes to lectio. Therefore I resolve to write my lectio daily. I know I tend to hear God a little more clearly with a pencil in my hand. I do not practice meditatio  at all. It takes a great deal for me to find a quiet place for some reason. I think it is because I have a long list of things I want to accomplish each day and this sitting still quietly part of the Carmelite Way of Life seems like a poor way of finishing the demands of the day. I know in my heart that this is not the right way of thinking. Over and over again I have read or heard of the importance of this quiet connection with God. He has been making sure this call is a part of every day of my life. Like all things, it is up to me to cooperate with Him and show up. Our Carmelite group has just begun a study of Brother Lawrence and his Practicing the Presence of God. One of our members suggested that we keep a journal of our journey with this man and his Maxims and his writings. I resolve to do this as well.
Sacrifice--as I have issues with food and eating it is easy for me to see that eating with a newspaper or a book or the television in front of me is not a great way to value meals. I resolve to eat without distractions this Lent. I will also avoid any recreational sugar.
Almsgiving--As a member of The Light Weigh we use sacrificial offering as a way of giving a spiritual value to avoiding mindless eating. I haven't been very faithful in this and I know that it is a very valid way to work with food issues. Therefore I resolve to be more active in my sacrificial offerings each day of Lent.
Spiritual Maxim for today:

1. We should refer to God and His glory all that we

do and say and undertake, setting before ourselves the

task of becoming true worshippers of God in this

world, as we hope to be His perfect worshippers in the

world to come; and making a strong resolution to

overcome by His grace all the difficulties which beset

us in the spiritual life.

The word of the day is RESOLVE I guess. I may make all of the resolutions I want, but it will take the grace of God to come up with them and to stick with them, and, of course, to learn from Him. 

and your Father who sees in secret will repay you.

This is the verse of today's Gospel that spoke to me. I shall be rewarded somehow. I have prayed over these Lenten resolutions. I certainly have been called by God to make them as I have heard Him nagging me about this for months! It will take commitment and quiet and thoughtful evaluation in order to hear just how God repays me for these resolutions. I am hopeful that this will be the place I can honestly record His gifts. Trekking Catholic through Lent with Prayer, Sacrifice, Almsgiving and Brother Lawrence.