'Converse'-ation

NECESSARY PRACTICES FOR ATTAINING

THE SPIRITUAL LIFE

1. The most holy, the most general and the most

necessary practice in the spiritual life is the practice of

the presence of God, whereby the soul finds her joy and

contentment in His companionship, talking humbly

and lovingly to Him always and at all times, without

rule or system, but particularly in moments of temptation,

of trouble, of spiritual dryness, of revulsion, and

especially when we fall into unfaithfulness and sin.

talking humbly and lovingly to Him always and at all times....

My other translation of the Maxims uses the word converse in this sentence, which, to me, implies listening as well as talking. I am called to conversation with God. I know I am because the topic comes up within my day often. I want to have conversation with God. I tend to be pretty vocal with him and my listening skills are not very well developed. Yet still I find excuses, or noise. I pray for the willingness to converse with Him. I pray for the willingness to talk humbly and to listen to His words for me. Today I heard (through the daily devotional of Fr. Grabner), that to know the will of God we should look in the places around us where people need to be loved. Here is our calling from God: to love those in our lives, and to love them well, as He would have us do . Trekking Catholic.

 

Grace

Spiritual Maxim # 3. The greater the perfection to which a soul aspires,

the more dependent is she upon divine grace, and this

grace becomes more necessary every moment because

without it the soul can do nothing. The world, the flesh

and the Devil together wage so fierce and unintermitting

a war that, without actual grace and a humble

reliance thereon, the soul would be dragged down in

spite of herself. Such dependence seems hard to human

nature, but grace makes it acceptable and a refuge.

My name means "full of grace." I admit I am not very conscious of that grace within me. I have to make an effort to see it in who I am, in what I do. I admit to basing my consciousness of my grace on the response or comments of others.  It seems I do not hear compliments very often. I try very hard to give them to others because they are so very valuable to me.  I hear a lot of criticism. There is a paragraph in my personal copy of Brother Lawrence's Maxims  that is not included in the online version I found to use as a cut and paste for this blog. It is an alternate #2 I guess, and Brother Lawrence speaks of acknowledging our total unworthiness before God. Perhaps it will appear later in the cut and paste version, but I was expecting to write about it yesterday and was ruminating about the sourness I felt about  the worm-like value we should recognize before God. I have a hard enough time putting one foot in front of the other some days with the negative aura around work and home without reading that God expects the same attitude. I understand it intellectually, but I am not happy thinking of myself that way. Perhaps that is why this paragraph was not included in my online access; that author found it uncomfortable amidst the other joys of Lawrence's writings. I hope we shall find an answer to this when our group next meets. but back to grace: this is the watchword of the day; to ask for grace, to expect it will be given because of God's great love for me; to see it in myself and to see it in those around me. Trekking Catholic.

The Will of God

Maxim of Brother Lawrence: 2. We must believe steadfastly that such difficulties

are for our own good; that it is God's will that we

should be afflicted; that it is according to divine

providence that we should be subject to all kinds of

conditions, to suffer all kinds of chastening, of woe and

of temptation, for the love of God and for so long as

He pleases: there can be no true devotion and perfection

without such submission of the heart and mind to the will of God.

that it is God's will... There are people who have a fatalist attitude about life, giving up to the whim and winds of circumstance with the excuse that "it's the will of God." I get short-tempered with this. Especially if it goes on for too long. I know God created us with feet and hands and minds to work our way through life; to move elsewhere if the place we are is dangerous or stifling or full of temptation. If life were random there would be no hope for me. I take comfort in believing that there is a greater Good watching out for me and wanting the best for me. and I believe that the best for me may be working through some tough things.  It helps me to do my best and to have a grateful attitude when life hands me lemons. Of course distance always helps my perspective. 
There is also God's will in beauty and grace and surprise as well. Joyce Rupp, a person who wrote a book about her walk of the Camino Santiago, asked herself some questions each day of the trail. One of them was to identify the surprises. Since reading her book I have asked myself this question (among others). Here is a list of the surprises I have noted over the past weeks...

Tues: how well my hair looked when I just did it quickly knowing we had 25 mph breezes to contend with that day. and two people even complimented me on it! On my walk that day I counted 11 blackbirds sitting in the top of a tree. 
Mon: that Pope Benedict turned in his resignation.
Sun: that my husband actually paid attention to the homily and had a lot to say about it
Sat: I took a chance and purchased a piece of art in a refurbished cigarette machine at an art museum. It was a domino necklace and I had a lot of fun wearing it all that day.
Fri: after two years of grumbling because I can no longer run I actually had fun swimming laps in our school pool.  

On these same days I asked what I least enjoyed about the day and what gave me the most discomfort...

Tues:I bought a Dairy Queen cake and attempted to eat all of it by myself 
Mon:I made a really good vegetarian recipe dinner (Greek Potatoes) and no one in our house said a word about it. And I came home from a meeting to a sink full of dirty dishes and I had to clean up the kitchen or wake up to the same thing the next morning. This is a bad start to my day. I seldom do that. 
Sun: I was so impatient with the music and the pastor and the homily and the repetition I could hardly sit still for the slowness of it all. Ieven left right after Communion and  people who do that make me mad.
Sat: Going to the Carmelite meeting was a chore for me. I did not feel graced to be there. I was bugged that the guy sitting next to me mumbled when he spoke and people constantly shifted off topic on their own agendas. I was impatient.
Fri: I had to tell someone some bad family news. and she didn't take it well. She had all of the arguments and denials I had months ago and it was painful to listen to it. 

God has created great beauty in this world and His people are part of His creation.  They can be people of compliments or people of repetition and mumbles. God has given me a mind sharp enough to cut through the delivery and get to the gem. I get pretty busy thinking about myself and my time and my space and the lessons and gifts can be lost. Doesn't make the gift, the will of God any less valuable beacuse I look at it with a lemon flavored eye. 

Well nuts. I have a sink full of dishes to tackle. Trekking Catholic.

Ash Wednesday

Another 'New Year's Day' in life and a good reason to get back to blogging. I have been following Aspiring Ballerina's blog and her musings have helped me to realize I do not have to be Perfect in what I write. Gretchen Rubin in her blog affirms this. This is difficult for me to overcome. Lent is a good time to make commitments and take responsibility . It is a time to move out of a comfort zone. I am not really sure I am comfortable in my zones, though.I am somehow being called to change.I am dissatisfied with my actions (or lack thereof) and this 40 Day in the Desert time of our Church feels like a confortable way to affect change. Comfortable because of the 'closer walk with God' theme of this time of year.
therefore: Be it resolved that for these 40 Days of Lent I shall practice these activities :
Prayer--I have been lazy in my praying of the Divine Hours. As a Carmelite I am required to pray the Morning and the Evening Prayers. Therefore I shall pray them faithfully every day of Lent. I have been lazy as well when it comes to lectio. Therefore I resolve to write my lectio daily. I know I tend to hear God a little more clearly with a pencil in my hand. I do not practice meditatio  at all. It takes a great deal for me to find a quiet place for some reason. I think it is because I have a long list of things I want to accomplish each day and this sitting still quietly part of the Carmelite Way of Life seems like a poor way of finishing the demands of the day. I know in my heart that this is not the right way of thinking. Over and over again I have read or heard of the importance of this quiet connection with God. He has been making sure this call is a part of every day of my life. Like all things, it is up to me to cooperate with Him and show up. Our Carmelite group has just begun a study of Brother Lawrence and his Practicing the Presence of God. One of our members suggested that we keep a journal of our journey with this man and his Maxims and his writings. I resolve to do this as well.
Sacrifice--as I have issues with food and eating it is easy for me to see that eating with a newspaper or a book or the television in front of me is not a great way to value meals. I resolve to eat without distractions this Lent. I will also avoid any recreational sugar.
Almsgiving--As a member of The Light Weigh we use sacrificial offering as a way of giving a spiritual value to avoiding mindless eating. I haven't been very faithful in this and I know that it is a very valid way to work with food issues. Therefore I resolve to be more active in my sacrificial offerings each day of Lent.
Spiritual Maxim for today:

1. We should refer to God and His glory all that we

do and say and undertake, setting before ourselves the

task of becoming true worshippers of God in this

world, as we hope to be His perfect worshippers in the

world to come; and making a strong resolution to

overcome by His grace all the difficulties which beset

us in the spiritual life.

The word of the day is RESOLVE I guess. I may make all of the resolutions I want, but it will take the grace of God to come up with them and to stick with them, and, of course, to learn from Him. 

and your Father who sees in secret will repay you.

This is the verse of today's Gospel that spoke to me. I shall be rewarded somehow. I have prayed over these Lenten resolutions. I certainly have been called by God to make them as I have heard Him nagging me about this for months! It will take commitment and quiet and thoughtful evaluation in order to hear just how God repays me for these resolutions. I am hopeful that this will be the place I can honestly record His gifts. Trekking Catholic through Lent with Prayer, Sacrifice, Almsgiving and Brother Lawrence. 

Important Questions of Life

"Who are you?".."What are you then?"..."What do you have to say for yourself?"--John 1:19,21,22

Sometimes questions like these seem to be questions of justification. and we do not need to justify our value to anyone. We have value in God's creation of us and His purpose for us here. Those in nursing homes, in hospital wards, living on the streets have just as much of a Purpose Driven Life as we who sit comfortably at a computer. It may not be gracious of us to ask others to justify their existence. It might not be such a bad idea for us to ask ourselves, though. We need to be accountable to the still small voice of God within us. I watched the French film Hedgehog last night. The main character grew to learn the importance of a life in action . She was judging others, but learning to see beneath the surface to what people kept hidden within. She questioned death and learned to value the living of life. She wanted to know the importance of what we are doing when we die? I am walking beside people who are taking the final journey with their 85 year old father. He is gravely ill. He is in pain. He is not lucid. His wife does not have the mental capacity to understand who  he is or what is happening. It is reported that these last few weeks have been all about love; how much he loves his family. Those of us who have been on the outside looking in have not always seen that in the other years of his living. But this is where he is now. This is what he is saying to his family now. This is what he is doing. This is who he is at the hour of death.

The Face of the Lord

The Lord bless you and keep you! The Lord let his face shine upon you, and be gracious to you! The Lord look upon you kindly and give you peace!--Numbers 6:24-26

In my Advent and Christmas devotional, a book which includes the writings of Henry Nouwen, I read today his comments about God's creation and His eyes upon His creation and His judgment of "Good."  Nouwen's quote led into a commentary of thinking of God's creation of ME as good. I suppose everyone may feel they lack perfection: those of us who have been raised with Good Catholic Guilt will know what I mean here.Nouwen was probably raised in the same era. Yet he points out that God sees the Good in what He has created. We are created in His image. We have something of Him within us. It is this part of God that can enable us to look upon others in blessing, to shine in acceptance and fellowship in the joys and accomplishments of others, and  to look upon others in welcome and with kindness. I had the volume down on the television last night as I was watching some of the New Year's Eve festivities. I was not familiar with the performers or their signature songs, but I could read their body language and facial expressions. It did not seem to me that these people were singing of graciousness and kindness to each other. My Word of the Year is GIFT. this year, in addition to tangible gifts I shall be open to giving graciousness and kindness, acceptance and fellowship, giving God's goodness and peace. Trekking Catholic.